i hate small talk
tell me about how im gonna make you squart across the room and how that turns mw on. tell me about having the best oegamiom in the world everyday yeah baby. I don’t care about the weather and you don’t care about how my job’s going.
when someone walks into a room where you are playing piano and they are very surprised to see you playing the piano
i never noticed that the watermark on the bottom-left corner of dan’s infamous cereal semen prom queen reaction image was in chinese
according to physics, nothing ever quite touches. when you lay your hand on something, there is a microscopic amount of space between the atoms of your hand and whatever you’re touching. so no, officer, technically i’m not jacking off right now